MM
#OPENTOWORK

Matt's Mum ✓ (she/Mum)

Mother · Tea Enthusiast · Helping Sons Reach Their Full Potential Since 1987
Tunbridge Wells, England, United Kingdom · Contact info (the landline)
500+ connections
Matt, Dave, and 14 other mutual connections
💼

Open to grandmotherhood

Matt's Mum is interested in full-time grandmotherhood, weekend hosting, and unsolicited critique roles. Show details

About

Passionate, results-driven mother with 38+ years of experience raising one (1) absolute legend. Specialising in unsolicited advice, premium tea service, and gentle disappointment.

Currently seeking new opportunities to remind Matt to ring more often. Available for: school runs (his children's, eventually), emotional labour, Sunday roasts, and reminding you that you've lost weight (concerned).

I do not respond to InMail. Please ring the landline between 6 and 8 pm. Not after Antiques Roadshow.

Featured

🥔
Promoted to Head of Sunday Roast at Henderson Family Kitchen 🎉
Couldn't have done it without my team (Matt, who set the table once in 2009).
2,847 reactions · 412 comments
🫖
Why "I'll Just Pop the Kettle On" Is the Most Important Phrase in Business
A 14-minute read on de-escalation, hospitality, and biscuit strategy.
11K views · Article
🌿
Reflections on 38 Years in the Parenting Industry
What I'd tell my younger self. (Spoiler: stop buying him those trainers, he wears them once.)
Newsletter · 1,204 subscribers
📺
Speaking at TEDxAldi: "Have You Eaten? — Building Rapport Through Concern"
A keynote on emotional infrastructure and the power of "are you sure?"
Watch on Replay

Activity

500+ followers
Matt's Mum reacted 👏 to Matt's post · 2h
"Reminded everyone she's so proud." — 47 reactions
Matt's Mum commented · 5h
"lovely xxx" — left on 47 unrelated posts this week
Matt's Mum congratulated Dave on his work anniversary · 1d
(4 years late, still very heartfelt)
Matt's Mum posted · 3d
"Has anyone seen Matt? He hasn't rung since Sunday. Not worried, just checking. #MotherhoodChallenges #LittleConcerned"

Experience

Mother

Self-Employed · Full-time
Mar 1987 – Present · 38 yrs 8 mos
Tunbridge Wells, England · On-site
  • Successfully raised one (1) son to adulthood, on time and under budget
  • Pioneered cross-functional initiatives across laundry, hydration, and emotional support
  • Reduced household incident rate by 94% YoY through proactive plaster deployment
  • Maintained 38-year zero-downtime kettle uptime SLA

Head of Christmas

Henderson Family Holdings · Seasonal
Dec 1987 – Present · Annually recurring
  • Led end-to-end delivery of 38 consecutive Christmases, ahead of schedule
  • Single point of contact for present procurement, sprout preparation, and Queen's/King's Speech logistics
  • Migrated entire family from VHS to streaming with zero data loss

Receptionist

Davies & Sons Solicitors · Part-time
Sep 1984 – Feb 1987 · 2 yrs 6 mos
  • Took messages. Was lovely about it.
  • Stewarded the office biscuit budget through a turbulent custard cream shortage

Education

The University of Life

BA (Hons), Common Sense · 2:1
1975 – 1981
Activities & societies: Knitting Club (President), Choir, Did Not Drink

St. Margaret's Comprehensive

Eleven O-Levels (one in Latin, thank you)
1968 – 1975

Licenses & certifications

Advanced Tea Brewing — Distinction

City & Guilds
Issued Jul 1979 · No Expiration Date

First Aid (Plasters & Sympathy)

St John Ambulance
Issued Apr 1986 · Renewed annually

Provisional Driving Licence

DVLA · Has been "provisional" since 1976
Issued Aug 1976

Skills

Tea Making · Endorsed by 247 connections

Matt, Dave Patel, and 245 others have given an endorsement

Worrying · 203

Considered industry-leading

Roast Dinners · 189

Specialism: Yorkshire Puddings (the size of your face)

"Are You Eating Properly?" · 156

Endorsed by everyone who has ever met her

Ironing (incl. the Inside of Pockets) · 134

Passive-Aggressive Texting · 112

"It's fine. Don't worry about me. xx"

Microsoft Word · 3

Endorsed by Matt (out of pity)

Recommendations

Received (14) · Given (0 — she would never put it in writing)
M
Matt
Son · Worked with Mum for 38 years
November 14, 2026, Matt was managed by Mum
"Matt's Mum is, without question, the finest mum I have ever had the pleasure of working with. Her roast potatoes alone warrant a knighthood. I have never met a more reliable supplier of unsolicited but tragically accurate advice. Would 100% recommend. Would be raised by her again."
D
Dave Patel
Coworker of Matt · Ate her shepherd's pie once
November 9, 2026, Dave worked with Mum on a single weekend
"I once stayed at Matt's house for the weekend and gained 11 pounds. She ironed my jeans without being asked. Five stars. Would lose autonomy again."
S
Sarah Chen
Coworker of Matt
October 28, 2026
"She remembered my birthday. I have not spoken to her in four years. I do not know how she got my number. Highly recommend."
G
Geoff (Postman)
Royal Mail · Daily collaborator
June 4, 2026
"Always offers tea. Sometimes I have to sit down. I've been an hour late on this round for six years. Worth it."

Contact info

Phone: The landline. You know the one.
Email: She has one. She doesn't check it.
Hours: 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm. Not during Antiques Roadshow.
Website: mattsmom.com